Ask Your Doctor; Tell Your Doctor

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Do you feel a certain emptiness in your life. Are there moments when you have absolutely nothing to do? Do you find yourself have to go constantly--anywhere on line? Have you been using the other remedy, the old-fashioned book to occupy your precious time. If you have any of these ailments, there is a new treatment available to you.

Ask your device doctor about the new miracle cure for all that ails you: the iPadberrydroidle, approved for use by people of all ages by the FDA, the Foolish Device Administration.

Certain rare side effects such as boredom, continuous partial attention, traffic accidents, and other results of competing devices may occur. Stop using the iPadberrydroidle immediately if any of these should occur. Do not use the device in the shower or take it outside in the rain. Loss of function may occur. Don’t tweet if you are texting, linking in, or facebooking. Do not use if you suffer from occasional device withdrawal pangs or pains. Tell your doctor if you have other symptoms of withdrawal including unexplained bouts of crying or moments of panic. Tell your doctor if you keep exchanging your weekly allowance or food stamp allotment for another iPadberrydroidle. Tell your doctor if you start growing a second pair of hands to hold multiple devices. This is a very rare but serious side effect. If you observe any signs of irregular bumps appearing around your wrists, immediately stop using the device.

Finally, the answer is there for you who have suffered so long. You can now avoid having to push your granddaughter’s swing and aggravate your arthritic back. Just text her every four hours to let her know you are there for her. But tell your doctor if you develop overactive thumb muscles.

You can be at your daughter’s wedding without fear of erratic bladder disorder (EBD). Not actually present at the ceremony, of course, but watching on the screen of your iPadberrydroidle while you send a stream of loving messages to hers, placed out of sight in the special corsage she is carrying.

Make sure you do ask your device doctor next time you visit the iPadberrydroidle service counter at your nearest store. Appointments not necessary, but recommended.

[Are you as sick of all those obnoxious drug and medical device ads as I am?]

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